sometimes I wonder that if what is in my head will always be better than anything in reality… like if I really was with a woman, would it be what I picture it like? Will I like it? Will it fill my desire like I think it would? Or would I still be unsatisfied and continue finding a fantasy in my head.
I hate my body, pretty much always have… so will the act of real sexual encounters always be a let down until I like what I look like? I mean in my fantasies not only am I with a hot chick, but I either have a nice athletic fit body or I am me as a guy with a hot body. So I see myself in a completely diff way than I am right now.
So would I be happy if I lost weight and liked my body and if my hub was replaced with the perfect girlfriend and everything else about my life was the same… living here in my house taking care of my kids? Would I finally be satisfied in this life? Or is there something more to it all? Is it really something else I want?
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