Some Things Never Change: Exploring the Universal Lines and Gimmicks Men Use To Seduce Women
Ladies, do not be fooled!
You are either a hit or a miss. This post is about exposing the tricks and lines of the trades that men like to recycle and reuse to get your panties off. I’m all for greener living but I’m all for throwing out garbage lines. Below are the most common “If you’re not careful, he is gonna tap that ASS” scenerios you may find yourself in.
The Massage
Ladies, we all have heard this line before. It starts like this “Oh you look so tense, let me give you a massage”. Being a little naive, you agree and figure it is harmless. He then thinks he’s slick and slips his hand under your shirt, claiming only to want to really get into your muscles…then, promplty pretends to be hindered by your bra which he removes…then ladies…wait for it…wait for it…he opens his trickster mouth and says “why dont you get NAKED so that I can give you a full body massage?”. Ladies do not buy it…it is only THE PRELUDE, DO NOT be deluded, his nakedness will soon follow suit and you will be doing the horizontal tango. A word of advice: During the pre-shirt removal stage, you are in the safe zone BUT once you take off the shirt you have entered the Land Of No Return. There is a 75% chance, you will end up doing the dirty! So watch out for the massage gimmick!
The Tickle
Ladies…we are humans…It’s human nature. Most of us have a spot that is ticklish, but ladies your ticklish spot is not Waldo, there is no need for him to find it! Again this is another prelude. TICKLISH = DICKLISH, you will get some LICORICE STICK! He will tickle his way onto your right titty and into your panties; and if he’s any good you will laugh your way to the big O. What will be really funny though is if you fell for his waldo trickin ass and the shit wasnt even good. A word of advice: Leave the tickle games for the bedroom, and if you ain’t trying to get into a pickle (or pickled), stay very far away from the tickle.
Just The Tip…Or Just A Little Bit
Ladies…I know you have ALL experienced this one! “Let me just put in the tip, just the tip- I promise I won’t move” – This move is like the groundhog at the end of Winter, once the head pops out (or in this case, in) it has been declared Winter is over. Well in this case, SO ARE YOU! Do not be fooled, sure they will put just the tip in, but then they WILL accidently fall or slip the rest of it in too. Your like the old school Dip-A-Stick candy…once they dip the tip in and like the taste of the sweet flavour their going to most definitely put the rest of it in..and dip..and dip and dip. A word of advice: There’s no Santa Claus and there sure ain’t no guy that can just put the tip in. You better believe that a TIP IN will always lead to a DICK IN!
Just A Taste
Ladies, you know this is the line that gets you everytime! Your thinking, “how sweet, he just wants to please me and not himself” Correction! He just wants to give you some good cunning cunnilingus so that you will be out of your damn mind and he can come to the rescue slaying you with his sword. He is not really asking to taste you, he is asking for a taste of what he suspects will come soon enough. And you better hope you get a hungry one, because their is nothing worse than a man picking at his food, especially when its some damn good food! Word of Advice: Don’t be fooled! It starts with a taste and ends with the whole damn meal (appetizer, entree, and dessert included… if he is slick with it). And you best believe it, the bill is on you.
The Blanket
“Are you cold? Why dont we get under a blanket?” This line is sweet, thoughtful and FAKE. The blanket is really a ploy for the real blanket which is him, and he wants to cover you – limb to limb. This is how it begins. You’re at his house on the couch watching a movie. Now you know, prior to arriving at his house, homeboy either popped a window open or put the Air Conditioner on zero. Anyway, you’re there on the couch and he looks over at you sitting there freezing your ass off. Being the “gentleman” that he is, he kindly grabs you a blanket. As your underneath the blanket trying to defrost, you feel some rogue hand on your breasts and then they start unbutton your pants and then next thing you know BOOM, you start to feel some real heat. This can also happen at your place, he will claim he is cold even though there is perspiration on forehead. Don’t be a sucka! Word of Advice: Wear a sweater, coat, long john, or mittens if you need to because once the blanket comes on your panties are coming off.
Movie Night or Let’s Hang Out Night
Movie Night + Let’s Hang Out Night = The Ultimate “He is going to TAP THAT ASS!” scenerio. This is where you see The Massage, The Tickle, Just the Tip, Just A Taste, and The Blanket in their natural habitat. If a guy comes over to your place or you go over to his for any of these two occassion, you best believe something is going to pop off (literally). When a guyask you to have a movie night, what he’s really saying is you and he are going to be the stars of the show all night long and the pl ans for the performances to be Oscar and Academy Award Winning. Movie night is actually (home) Movie Night and he will pull out all the tricks of the trade. He has polished his lines for days, and they are ready to be tried and tested on you! Word of caution to the wise- Untense your muscles, throw away the blankets (if he’s coming to your house) or double up and dress warm (if your going to his), pad your ticklish spots, go out to eat a real dinner you BOTH can enjoy, and say NO to the tip!
So ladies,
This is it…the top 5 tricks of the bag that men will use to seduce you. Know them, learn them and choose wisely. Because you know and i know there will be some that you shrug your shoulders and just roll with, and others you need to say, man please!
You need to get in line with all your recycled-reusable lines. Because we have heard it all before. Dont forget that the 3 R’s consist of recycle, reuse and REDUCE! They have been tried, tested and over-used! So men, get your mind right and reduce those lines!
Living soulfully, naturally and beautifully
Evelyn ‘Past Exotic and Ellen Nyarko
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