Debates and deep thinking always gets me going. Last night over a yummy-tablous miso and noodle soup that I whipped up, a girl friend and I debated ‘forever’. She was shocked when I said that I can’t promise TJ my forever. Her eyes darted back and forth, looking at our new apartment, puzzled. I can promise to love him forever, but I can’t promise to be with him forever. Flabbergasted, she pondered why I would ever get married. Say vows like, “till death due us part.” Can we promise someone forever? Honestly?
I sit in the “no” camp. I can’t promise anything in my life (meaning long term). I’ve learned that. Life shocks me all the time. I also have learned never to say “never”. Kinda the same thing. I was never going to be a vegan- but I am one now. I never thought I would cheat on someone- I did that too. I never would have went out with someone significantly younger than me- TJ is 6.5 years my junior. I never thought I would be with a girl- oops, did that too. You get my point, right? I never thought I would do a lot of things. Life changes. So do I. Lies? Not really, just reality.
We never know where life is going to take us. I want to be with TJ forever. We will get married. I will fight and work for our relationships through thick and thin. I want him to be my forever, but I can’t promise that. Just like I can’t promise to grow old with him. A bus just might run me over tomorrow. Though again, I prefer for that not to happen. I would like to choose TJ to be my forever. Still I never know what curve balls life might throw me (I think Mrs. Tiger Woods is sitting on my side of the fence right now too!).
Remember, there’s a time when you have to bow out. Whether it be affairs, love fading, growing apart, or just a stupid decision. I pray this doesn’t happen for TJ and I, but no one wants it to happen to them. Even the gorgeous Mrs. Woods who ”has it all”. Come on, we’re not living in the 50’s anymore. I’m living in reality!
Life is full of todays. Presents. Nows. I can love TJ today. I can eat healthy today. I can love my job today. I appreciate my normal family. I can be proud of my friends. I hope these things don’t change. Yet I can’t promise anything. Life can’t promise ME anything. I try not to say “never”. Forever is long time too. I hope to be with TJ until my last dying breath. I’ll love TJ forever. That I know. As for today, he is my forever. That’s all I can promise. Today.
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