Nothing says F-You like cropping someone out of a picture
… while relationships may not be the answer, sleeping with just anyone isn’t it (the answer) either. Better yet is the understanding that friendship is more important then sex. Sex is not worth losing a good friend over
I know when I was younger (19- a few months ago) that some of my older (27+) friends told me I would reach this point, but I never really believed them. Time heals all wounds though …
This hardly means that I want a relationship or that I could even successfully manage to be in one – that remains to be seen. (enter cliche about commitment)
Of course there are times when my convictions waiver, like when I meet a nice boy appears to be “boyfriend material.” I’ll smile randomly instead of frowning at strangers, I’ll compliment others more readily, I might even go out of my way to help a stranger. Then again – I do these things anyway.
Liking someone rarely has good effects on a person. At least ones that last. For example, you date someone with “issues”. During your time together you (and even they) might believe all these issues have been resolved. The minute the break up happens, they’re off snorting coke off some 5′6 high school drop out’s counter and listening to techno.
Often times my cynicism is mistaken for bitterness. Even people that have wronged me in ways that don’t deserve forgiveness, I rarely can stay mad at anyone for long amounts of time. I believe this stems from my childhood…
When I was little I would watch myself in the mirror and manipulate my emotions. I wanted to know what each emotion looked like. When I would be sad and crying, I would run to the bathroom, step on my little rubbermaid stool and watch myself until I had no tears left. Sometimes, if I felt I had not gained enough knowledge – I would poke myself in the eye so that I could continue learning.
[side note: My old house was two stories and when I was upset I would whine/sob into the heater vent in my room because I believed that it would travel through the entire house and make my mom feel bad. This did not work. Just like the time a few years ago, when I put gummy bears up my nose and flashlight in my mouth to see if colored light would come out. That did not work either]
I will add now that I nothing makes me smile with such uninhibited joy then when people talk about how they can read other people. There are of course those that are very good at it – the majority of people though, are not.
Now such I’m a narcissist I’m going to admit, I love when people “shrink” me.
This past weekend for example I was categorized as a “sheltered” and “liberal” girl that “never wants to lose control” and is “very shy.” Let’s just start with that shall we?
1. Sheltered: I can see this. I mean I grew up in middle class America. I lived in safe neighborhoods and attended safe schools. I have never experienced a horrific tragedy. All right – sheltered. I can see that.
2. Liberal: I wouldn’t say that I am entirely Conservative, but I certainly consider myself an Elite Democrat. My family is from the South and Scarlett O’Hara is basically my role model for life. I love fried chicken and cornbread mush with milk. People from the North are called Yankee’s and no, a Confederate flag does not represent white power.
3. Never wants to lose control: Am I ever in control? Sober or intoxicated I am not a person that always thinks before I act. This has proven to be both positive and negative in my life. Usually though, if it’s within reason and there isn’t a chance of me losing a limb … I’ll try it.
4. Very shy: There are times when I can be. For example, when I go someplace unfamiliar I like to take a few minutes to assess the situation and judge (I mean, form opinions) of my surroundings and those present.
So … was random drunk Cooper (that was his name), right? I suppose on a basic level, yes he was. Wow – I feel enlightened. I feel that I already know myself better.
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