“It’s never just me and my partner, there is always some fantasmic element also… If I may be a little bit impertinent and relate to an unfortunate experience, probably known to most of us, how it happens that while one is engaged in sexual activity all of a sudden one feels stupid, one loses contact with it as if to say, ‘My God what am I doing here? Doing these stupid repetitive movements?’ And so on, and so on, nothing changes in reality during these strange moments where I, as it were, disconnect, it’s just that I lose the fantasmic support.”
Why does our libido need the virtual world of fantasies? Why do we need the virtual supplement? Our libido needs this illusion to sustain itself! Freud says its not all about sex but what we are thinking when we are doing that!
Processes of information,
recognition and fornication,
what else do we need?
Memories of my life in Sweden come trickling back with a new strength. I remember not a moment or an event the most; I remember my mind state. I remember what kept me motivated… or distracted if you will. I remember what kept me far from suicide. It was the looking forward that comes with new events. It was the preparation and anticipation, though never to the point of satisification. It was the next episode downloading off of Pirate Bay, it was the close proximity of Swedes doing the same: trying to live, resolving daily problems with a joy in being preoccupied. It was ma mademoiselle Marine and her quickness to shrink my cognitive tension and quickly release my sexual tension. I was in lust for so much libido satisfaction and luckily, I had plenty… ah Sweden! Where my fantasies kept me alive!
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