The Righteous Alcohol Violence Eradication Strategy

I have turned myself into a giant antenna, but now I only get violent channels – which is resulting in my life being a thunderstorm of Nembutals.

But I have had an insight into two specific areas where fists collide – not for love, and not for money.

1.  AFL football violence – more specifically – all-in brawls better known as melee’s which involve every stone age monkey from either team

2.  drunken inner city violence in Melbourne by insane psycho punks on Friday and Saturday night

Has anyone noticed that the more the AFL tribunal cracks down on on-field violence, the more reports of drunken inner city street violence surface in the paper on Monday morning.

There’s never been a better time to realise that the safest place to be drunk is on the football field.

So let me run this simple solution up the flagpole so we can salute it:

1. all AFL games become BYO for players
2. they will be sent to the tribunal if they show up empty handed without six pack
3. the players must play drinking games at each quarter change
4. players must be above .25 blood alcohol level by the 4th quarter.
5. players who make it to full-time get a choice of hotdog with mustard or greasy souvalaki when the whistle blows

I think this will change things around dramatically.

• It will result in a new standard of ugly when it comes to AFL games, enabling them to run riot in a fittingly chaotic way
• AFL players will be able to get on with their more important work such as liberating women one gangbang at a time,
• there will be peace, love and favabeans on the streets of Melbourne after 3am as the twisted geniuses turn their minds to other things, such as making new friends and discussing the benefits of sensible knitwear.

Yours, while wanting to live in a time when protest songs mattered

Righteous

p.s. the Righteous Schimmelbusch blog, balancing your media diet since 1852

[Via http://schimmelusch.wordpress.com]