Tuesday, September 15, 2009

SR // Stay In Your Lane

Sidepieces make the world go round..

These SR’s usually start off carefree and whimiscal.. a committed man and his sidepiece.. hangin out, hot sex on a platter, cheap dinner or maybe some shoes.. see your ass next time..

AND THEN..

She starts getting greedy.. sidepieces need to learn their place..

If you are the cots (chick on the side).. you have rules to follow.. *this means you KNOW you are the cots*

1. Don’t call me, I’ll call you – helloooo!? I could be with my main at ANY time.. if Im tryna link up.. I’ll give youa call.. and if not, you sit tight and wait for it.. if you are lucky enough to have my number, you better dial that bitch private.. ring codes (ring twice and hang up) do NOT work because it gets suspicious..

2. Don’t send me any evidence – do not email, text, bbm or facebook me naked pictures or sexy messages.. the main is the main for a reason.. that bitch is smarter than your average bear (or dumb as hell in which case your “caught ya” time is longer).. if you send something that is suspect.. if will be discovered and the sidepiece will probably get her ass mollywhopped! (why do they always go after the girl?)

3. Don’t be diggin up shit – as a sidepiece, you are to stay as far away from the fam as possible.. don’t google map me, don’t yellow page me.. don’t find out ANYTHING about me I didn’t tell you.. if you show up and my house or call my house.. the main will mop the floor with your ass!

4. Don’t ask questions, just do as I say – whether Im tryna hide you before the front door opens, or Im tellin you not to kiss me in public.. you better comply! Asking questions wastes time and energy I could be spending finding a more compliant sidepiece

5. Don’t deviate from the script – if the lie is that you’re the cousin.. you must be the cousin AT ALL TIMES (in public).. you can’t go to the mall all hugged up so the Nordstrom’s cashier can call gf #1 and tell her she saw her man and his cousin hugged up (you either a liar or a perv)

6. Don’t ever think you’re safe – just because you go to the mall 60 miles away.. or you take a vacay to the cabins don’t mean you can’t be caught.. slick main chicks have friends in high and low places.. with camera phones! ..

7. Don’t go tellin your business – have you ever seen “The Women”!? Where ol girl tells her manicurist all about her new man.. and then manicurist tells his wife.. b/c she doesn’t know that’s his wife?! You keep this ish under WRAPS.. it’s called a secret romance for a reason!

8. Don’t try to become the main – a. if he is cheating with you.. he will cheat on you b. if he is lying to her.. he will lie to you c. you are already a homewrecking whore.. why would he want to wife that?!

9. Don’t think he won’t leave you to – oh you thought you were immune to getting dumped because your’re his jump off?! GIRL BYE! He will drop that ass like a hot potatoe as soon as a. you start getting clingy b. a new piece comes along c. your vag dries up 

10. Don’t get involved – DUH.. a jump off will NEVER benefit .. a Fendi bag will not cure a broken heart boo.. no matter how much material things or money you receive.. you won’t have love, trust, respect or honesty.. you’re just a dedicated call girl

In short.. I would advise women to check before the f*ck! If he isn’t committed.. he is free game.. but if he has someone.. keep it moving.. thats like picking up gum from the bottom of the desk and chewing it.. NASTY..

If you do decide to get your homewrecking ass in a SR w/ a committed man.. follow these rules.. watch your back.. and wrap the f up!

xoxo

-m. lauren, regular SBF

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